Sunday, December 8, 2013

Oh Christmas Tree

If you're ever considering dragging the family out to a Christmas tree farm in 80 degree Florida weather, take my advice- don't. Or do, and then really draw out the process of choosing the perfect tree in the scorching heat and never ending rows of possible candidates. Then post a blog about it. In any event, your husband will either be disappointed you don't have a tree or grouchy that he had to go in to work all sweaty. But hey, we have a real Christmas tree! Now let me preach why I was immediately reminded of my love for fake, pre lit trees.

1. Making your husband trudge through rows upon rows of trees in 80 degrees carrying a 23 pound squatter is just asking for trouble. Don't believe me? Try it. I dare ya.
2. Going to a tree farm with no prior knowledge of the different kinds of Christmas trees is also just plain dumb. Guess what? The most "Christmasy" looking trees cannot support most ornaments. Crack under pressure in a second. Snap.
3. Rethink your decision to politely deny the tree farm family's offer to buy one of their tree stands. Walmart seems to think tree stands are a one size fits all kind of thing. We are now owners of a tree stand that cannot get a grip of our tiny little tree stump. Don't worry, you can always stuff a dish towel around it to fill the extra space and pray to God that your kid doesn't go ape shit on it.

4. Pine needles hurt worse than bearing a child. They also leave pricks far worse than any sort of post-baby stitches. Kidding. Kind of.
5. String lights should come with instructions on how to correctly decorate a tree. If you're not twirling them around your balcony, or wrapping them around your babe for a photo shoot (which, by the way, needs to happen), these things can be a chaotic cluster fuck of a mess. I can't even. And I won't even- never again.

So this all seemed a bit more entertaining than awful- good! I originally wrote this post out of pure bitterness and hatred for my 7 foot prickly plant taking up space in my living room. What a relief it is having it up, somewhat straight, and decorated. Well, decorated as much as the weak branches will allow. It's our first tree and I can't say that this was not worth it.
...Though it doesn't change my mind about our fake one next year.
Merry Christmas!


  1. It would be so weird for me tree hunting in the heat lol we have 7 inches of snow here in MD right now!

    1. What I would give for snow right now!!! enjoy!

  2. My parents live in Florida and were just telling me of their 80 degree weather while I was looking at snow and bundled under 3 layers. Hahaa. They miss the feeling of the Christmas season with cooler weather, but also because of what seems to be the unseasonably warm weather in the south. Sorry your tree experience wasn't so great, but it sure is pretty decorated, and with your little guy sitting next to it, so precious!

    1. it's so disappointing! Even North Florida is HOT! Enjoy the snow!!

  3. Haha!! I have had these experiences before... Of course I have a pre lit tree because of them, only to plug in my pre lit tree this year to a burnt out middle section of lights!! Effff!!!!!! Ps. The string of lights that you can buy to wrap the burnt out section will never be as bright as the pre lit ones!! Double efffff!!!!!

    Boy, oh {mamas} boys